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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26582524">So Tired of Working for Our Survivial</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbuck09256/pseuds/Starbuck09256'>Starbuck09256</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Established Relationship, Gen, UST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:22:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26582524</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starbuck09256/pseuds/Starbuck09256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre requiem request with music lyrics. Mulder is concerned about a form he needs to submit to HR. Scully will not like this form one bit and angst ensues.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>So Tired of Working for Our Survivial</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I get so tired of working so hard for our survival”</p><p>Season 7 pre-requiem</p><p>He’s been more pensive then usually these last few days. Chewing on his lip, staring blankly above his coffee in the morning. I wonder what goes on in that beautiful mind of his. Wonder what he is worried about, I know he worries, probably a bit more than he should about things. Normally I would let him solve it on his own, give him time to analyze the facts, make the leaps and connections he always seems to find. His worry scares me this time though, we’ve been through so much, now when we wake up with one another I worry that he regrets it, regrets the change we made in our relationship. He’s so quiet this morning, when we first made love it was with such haste with the passion of two souls denying themselves the purest thing they could think of the days that followed were actually practically perfect. We both slept better, when we did sleep that was. Our caseload has been light recently, since we got that one month suspension over the cardinal o'fallon thing, we were still catching up on closing out all the extra paperwork. Mulder would normally do most of it. He has always been in charge of the hotel rooms, rental cars, the papertrail, not because I’m not capable. But because he has and still does maintain that the files are his in a way. He found them started them, got the approvals, got them reopened over and over. He also sees it as a way of protecting me, while it used to piss me off, his explanation was surprisingly well thought out. “If I do all the paperwork, if there is ever any blowback, any i or t or something like that you will have completely ambiguity. They will have no way to cost you your job. You can maintain that you are still just writing the reports as originally directed.” So after 7 years, he is still the first one in the office in the morning. He works weekends, files reports and makes sure we stay as clean as possible when using Bureau funds.  Now he has a harder time explaining 2 rooms when one is only used. He has been filling out one form it seems over and over, and yet hasn’t asked me to sign off on it. I can’t imagine his lingering looks are about something so contrite as paperwork. It makes me think he is starting to regret the change in our relationship, that he</p><p>regrets getting involved with a woman who could never carry his children. I can’t help but feel the pain of the IVF failure as I leaned against my kitchen counter looking at him. A small tear escapes my lid and I try to turn to look out the window. Inside I’m damning myself for the weakness, he’s been so very good to me, always. I know now he will never ever leave me, he will never find a wonderful wife to give him children, to move to that small town in the middle of nowhere that he wants. He won’t get look into his son’s eyes, briad his daughters hair. I was so stupid to ask him to be the father, but I couldn’t bear it if I had any other children then his, and now instead of the world getting at least part of us living on, we will die without an hier. At least my family as Bill and Charlie their great kids. But Mulder has no one, his hope for Samantha now at peace and I feel so much worse for letting hours of pleasure restrict him from the future he so desperately deserves. I have no idea how to end this though, I have no idea how to live without him. He won’t stop my Mulder, he’s already gone to the ends of the earth for me. And that was before the earth shattering sex we have. Suddenly as if he can sense my sorrow his arms are around me. Pulling my body which is wrapped only in his dress shirt and blue panties against his solid bare front. He kisses my temple. </p><p>“Whatever you are thinking, is wrong.” he mutters into my ear, before trailing kisses down my neck and finally resting his chin against my collarbone. </p><p>“That’s pretty presumptuous, even for you,” I mutter letting my nails drum on the sink for a second to collect my thoughts, go through a way to rationalize how we have to end this, for everyone.</p><p> “I know the last few days I’ve been out of it,” his nose runs against my hair as he gives me more soft kisses. </p><p>“It’s not what you think it is, I promise Scully,” </p><p>“It’s not?” I whisper even I hear the catch in my throat as I turn in his arms. I trace my fingers over his face, let him kiss my palm, wrap his fingers around mine. </p><p>“I need you to sign a very formal form, and you are not going to like it.” </p><p>He releases me moving to his briefcase by the door. </p><p>“What form?” I ask as I trail after him my bare feet cold against the wood flooring. He sighs heavily rubbing his hand across his face and scrunching his nose. </p><p>“You know sometimes, I get so tired of working so hard for our survival.” As he pulls at the form. I can’t help but grin. </p><p>“Isn’t that a line in “In Your Eyes” ?'' he can’t help but chuckle.</p><p> “I believe it is, Scully.” he laughs a little. </p><p>He hands out a very long detailed form, his penmanship is practically perfect. </p><p>“Before you sign this, I know what I’m asking here, I know it goes against everything you’ve probably ever wanted for this, for us, please know Scully if there was a choice, if I could keep things like they are without filling this out I would. But we have an audit hearing in 2 weeks, and it is going to be more than messy, if we have this filled out and filed, we could possibly get through unskaved.” His seriousness is disconcerning as I reach out for the form. </p><p>It’s an HR form one proclaiming notification of a change in relationship status between partners. I look at him shocked as he looks at his feet. I can’t help but release a slow and steady breath as I sit down at my kitchen table to read through it. He hands me my glasses off the side table sits down next to me his hands linked resting under his chin. Listed  are dates, detailed and organized chronologically it requests that we stay partners of course. This is very very serious. I remember when Jack and I dated, how this form was presented and how we had a very long argument about it. Why would I fill out something unless I was positive it would lead to something more, people who casually date each other, that were just fucking do not fill these out. Mulder has filled out dates on this, filled out perhaps far too much and been almost too thorough. I shallow hard, I know of only three other pairs of agents who got together who filled these out. Two of those partners were split up immediately, the last one that was granted, the one that made it, ended in a messy divorce 3 years later shattering 2 adults and their 2 babies. </p><p>“You want to give them the exact thing to split us up? Mulder this might be the craziest thing you have ever done!” I’m yelling I know I am. </p><p>I’m not going to sign this, even if I know in my heart Mulder deserves to find someone who can give him everything he deserves and this form will certainly help push that plan forward, I can’t. I can’t give up the one person in the entire world who has truly loved me for me. The only person who cherishes every part of me, the man who makes me believe in the impossible like miracles, and soulmates. </p><p>“Scully, Scully listen we fill this out, we file it away upstairs it just has to be in the file. No one has to see it. It has to be there, so if…. If hell when they find out that we only use one room. That we only live at one address we don’t both get fired for obstruction to conceal our relationship. We can start just paying for one hotel room, reduce our costs significantly. This would improve our overall budget by 35% Scully, we would be one of the cheapest departments in the Bureau, our solve rate with these dates and the form already being on file prove that we haven’t let our emotions compromise our ability on the job.”</p><p>He has my hands in his stroking his thumb across my wrist over and over. </p><p>“They will split us up,” I can barely get out the words before tears sting my eyes and I try to rip my hands away from his.</p><p> “Is that what you want Mulder? Is this, is it too much, being more?” </p><p>I’ve been so stupid my feelings for him have already clouded my judgement on more than one occasion and now here I sit practically devasated. Maybe this was the plan, having me fill out this form so he can see what I want out of the relationship. Use this form to push us into a next step he knows we aren’t ready for this form as stupid as it is basically states that we plan to marry that’s how serious the relationship would be before any agent would ever sign it. I pull my hand away rub my face walk over to the kitchen sink again, hang my head in shame. Shame for having thought I could for a second walk away from him, shame for letting feelings get so deep that our jobs would break us up before we even had time to have an actual first fight. Well here it is, our first and last fight staring us in the face with glossy bold letters including dates of sexual intercourse. </p><p>“Scully, I.. I love you, you know that, this isn’t… we… aren’t, I don’t want something as stupid as a form,” </p><p>“If it was so stupid you wouldn’t be demanding I sign it.” I know my tone is icy. </p><p>I know that my anger isn’t just from a form, it’s from how this looks on a female agent. A male agent can fill these things out all day the implications mean nothing, but for a woman this is basically saying you just sleep around. </p><p>“Fine, let them shut us down, over your inability to admit what this really is.” His words harsh. He grabs his coffee cup rinses it out in the sink. Grabs the form shoves it back into his bag. My anger isn’t abating and he knows now the discussion if there ever was one is over. He grabs his leather jacket and all I hear next is the door shutting. I’m still in his shirt the soft blue still smells like his cologne from yesterday. I’ll have to have it launder and given back to him, while I pick up the pieces of my heart.</p>
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